How Utah’s Culture Fuels Women’s Anxiety (Beyond Ruby Franke: How Utah’s Culture Drives Women to the Edge)
Let’s talk about the unique cocktail of perfectionism, gender roles, and religious influence that makes Utah a breeding ground for female anxiety. If you grew up here, you already know the drill: Look perfect, act perfect, marry young, have babies, keep smiling. And if you don’t fit the mold? Well, cue the existential dread.
And now, with Hulu’s docuseries on Ruby Franke, the world is getting a front-row seat to the underbelly of Utah’s obsession with appearances—how it warps parenting, success, and self-worth. But let’s zoom out for a second, because this isn’t just about one extreme case. It’s about a culture that constantly whispers (or sometimes shouts) to women: You are not enough—unless you look, act, and live a certain way.
The Religion of Perfectionism
I’ve lived in multiple states, and nowhere have I seen a culture more dedicated to the religion of seeming perfect than Utah. It’s not just about being a good person; it’s about being seen as one. This means:
✔️ A perfectly curated family (married early, lots of kids, bonus points if you can still fit into your pre-baby jeans).
✔️ A picture-perfect home (bonus points if it’s always spotless and Instagram-worthy).
✔️ A face that doesn’t age (hello, Botox parties at playdates).
The pressure to appear perfect is so normalized that it's practically a community sport.
The Beauty Standard Olympics: Utah’s Med Spa Mania
If you’ve ever driven through Utah, you might have noticed something: an ungodly number of med spas. Seriously, the market for Botox, fillers, and mommy makeovers here is wild.
Salt Lake City has more plastic surgeons per capita than NYC (source).
A recent study found 14% of surveyed LDS women have had major plastic surgery, and 20% have had non-invasive procedures like Botox or fillers (source).
And listen—I’m not shaming anyone for getting work done. Your body, your choice. But when an entire culture makes women feel like they have to look 25 forever to be valued? That’s a problem.
Get Rich Quick: The Utah MLM Phenomenon
If you grew up here, you’ve probably been hit up by at least one high school friend who’s “SO excited to share this amazing business opportunity with you!” Utah has the highest number of MLMs per capita in the country, pulling in a casual $8.5 billion annually (source).
These schemes love to target stay-at-home moms who want financial freedom without sacrificing their role as the perfect wife and mother. But the reality? Most of these women end up losing money, while the people at the top rake it in. And when you’re told that failure is just because you “didn’t work hard enough”? It’s no wonder anxiety skyrockets.
The Timeline Panic: Why My Therapy Couch Is Full of Anxious Women
Women in Utah don’t just feel pressure to be perfect—they feel pressure to do everything on a very specific timeline. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat with women who are spiraling because they’re 25 and single or 30 and childless or 35 and not a millionaire yet.
The message here is clear: If you’re not married by a certain age, if you don’t have kids by a certain age, if you don’t have your entire life perfectly mapped out, you’re falling behind. And that kind of pressure? It’s a one-way ticket to chronic anxiety, self-doubt, and feeling like you’re constantly racing against an invisible clock.
How Therapy Can Help Unpack This Cultural Mess
The good news? You don’t have to live in a state of constant comparison and anxiety. Therapy is a place where we can start peeling back these layers of perfectionism, unrealistic timelines, and external expectations to figure out what you actually want.
🔹 Are you chasing a goal because you want it—or because you were told you should want it?
🔹 What if your life didn’t have to follow someone else’s script?
🔹 How do we build self-worth that isn’t tied to appearance, relationship status, or financial success?
Therapy gives you the space to slow down, question these cultural narratives, and rewrite the ones that don’t actually serve you. Because here’s the thing: You were never meant to fit into someone else’s mold.
Let’s Keep This Conversation Going
This blog in no way excuses the deplorable treatment of Ruby Franke’s children. The purpose of this post is not to defend or minimize her actions but to explore how the culture of perfectionism, pressure, and unrealistic expectations in Utah can contribute to harmful behaviors. The impact of societal norms and the need to appear flawless can lead to terrifying outcomes, as seen in this case, and it is crucial to address these cultural pressures to prevent further harm.
Utah’s culture loves to keep women in a cycle of perfectionism, anxiety, and self-doubt—but we don’t have to stay stuck in it. Have you felt this pressure? How have you worked through it? Drop a comment or share your thoughts—I’d love to hear your experience.
—- Annalise John, LCSW